I'm still here
by myguydied123
Summary: Ponyboy feels so overwhelmed with troubling situations that are eating him up and Darry isn't making life any easier. It's time for Pony to set himself free from whatever is causing him all those nasty emotions. "They always say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself." [R&R!]
1. Chapter 1

**~I do not own The Outsiders~**

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><p><strong><em>"I am a question to the world,<br>Not an answer to be heard  
>Or a moment that's held in your arms.<br>And what do you think you'd ever say?  
>I won't listen anyway…<br>You don't know me,  
>And I'll never be what you want me to be."<em>**

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><p>He opens the door, there are small children outside dressed in funny looking costumes. One of them, a boy dressed as a Vampire, looks up at the person who opened the door extending his small arms holding his small bag that already contained sweets inside. A girl that looked about 7 was dressed as a ballerina shyly extended hers as well, "Trick r Treat sir." They said excitedly.<p>

Smiling, the teen grabs some candy from a bowl he already prepared that was right beside him dropping them into the bag of the children who thanked him running to their parents to knock on another door. As he closed the door somebody squeezed his sides making him jump. Laughter filled the house, the teen scowled rubbing his sides saying, "Ha ha ha very funny Twobit."

"Shoulda seen your face Pone!" Twobit laughed nudging Steve who was next to him on the couch cracking up.

"Yeah, sure made my night!"

Sodapop pursed his lips trying to contain in his laughter knowing Ponyboy would get mad, his brother rolled his eyes going into the kitchen for a glass of water. Twobit smirked at Sodapop's face until he broke ou. Pony sighed, _I knew he couldn't do it._ The radio was turned on with The Rolling Stones as the background music. Darry was working late hours for extra cash. He needed to save up for something very important. _College._ No not for himself but for his youngest sibling. This was his last year of high school, it was supposed to be a happy thing for Ponyboy until Darry turned into a more stricter person...

"Hey Pone! You coming with us or not?!" Soda asked getting his coat from his room. Since Steve and Soda were named managers at the DX taking charge of the whole business, they didn't really have to show up a lot. Only make sure the employees worked hard and that the money was handled well.

Steve groaned, "We ain't gonna take the kid Trick r Treating are we?"

"Not without costumes we ain't." Soda joked.

Twobit snickered, "Steve already has his mask on. Oh wait, that's your face, sorry."

Pony laughed this time plopping himself on the couch, Steve gave Twobit a dirty look pushing him. Soda chuckled opening the door to leave. Twobit rushed outside with Steve behind his trail wanting to give him a good swing to the face for that awful joke. Soda asked again, "So Pone? Don't ya wanna see the whole Halloween fun outside? Maybe scare the living daylights out of the pipsquicks?"

"Naah, it's allright, I'll stay. You go ahead."

Twobit yelled from outside, "C'mon Pony! With Steve's gorilla face we can scare anyone!"

"Why you son of a-"

Pony shrugged, "It's fine really."

Soda hesitated for some seconds, "Ok then...Tell Darry I'll come home soon." He didn't have a curfew anymore, he is almost nineteen.

The door closed, Ponyboy laid on the couch positioning himself in a comfortable spot with his arms folded behind his head. Staring up the ceiling, he thought of why he didn't accept going with them. This wasn't the first time though that he said no to an invitation. Lots of times his brother of friends from school invited him to parties, hang outs or places like that. It wasn't that he disliked them, it was just that he didn't feel like it. Ever since Johnny and Dally died something changed with him. Hanging out just wasn't the same. He'd rather stay at home to read books, draw many beautiful things that he imagined or simply work on school. The friends that he had weren't a lot. The gang even made fun of him thinking he was some sort of geek.

_"Get our more Pone! You don't even got a girlfriend! I myself got laid at the age of-"_

_"Shut it Twobit." Darry growled._

_Steve sorted, "I think he gets more horny by doing homework than looking at girls."_

_Darry had given him a punch to the arm after that inappropriate comment, Pony felt embarrassed. _

Nobody really got his point of view. They always said how Pony was different and acting strange at his age. _Get a life kid, you're already 16 and haven't had a girl. What's up with you?_ Steve had harshly said to Pone one day. The only response he got was a strong punch to the face causing a black bruise. Before it even got into a serious fight, Soda and Twobit separated them. Afterwards, each apologized not because they really meant it but for the sake of Soda. That just made their relationship as friends even worse.

Ponyboy bit the inside of his cheek still deep in thought. _College._ Going to college was just around the corner. Almost every day since he started his last year of high school Darry would remind him of it. _"You have to keep your grades up Pony." "You have to keep your head in the game got it?" "Did you look up any college information yet?" "Pony, homework!" _ Ponyboy was tired of all that, the pressure was doing nothing positive on him. It only made him want to forget everything about it. Even with good grades Darry expected more out of him. _"A 'B' on your pop quiz? Mmm study harder." "Remember, A's are very significant when you get in college."_ He was beginning to go back to the Darry he used to be when Pony was 14 although both didn't fight as much...yet. Soda made it clear that it wasn't healthy for them to fight like that. In a silent promise, Darry and Pony worked their brotherly relationship to make it better. Although this year seemed that the promise was beginning to break.

The times he did go out Darry would get some what mad complaining, leading into an argument with Ponyboy. _"Did you do everything you were told?" "Homework Pone!" "Do you really want to grow up like us? Working like there's no tomorrow" _ It was obvious that Darry was kind of projecting himself on Pony in a way. Taking custody of his brothers destroyed his chances of going to college so he saw himself in Ponyboy. Soda dropped out of school, so that left the youngest Curtis. _Which is why Darry is acting all dictator on me. He can say all he wants but I ain't him._

A knock on the door snapped him out of his mind, more trick r treaters. Pony happily gave them the remaining candy, memories of Pony doing this with his parents popped into his head. _Awe Mom...Dad..._

Finally, around eleven at night, Pony decided it was time for bed. Darry hadn't showed up yet. He had a lot of work, luckily it wasn't always roofing houses. Now it was paper work. He had been promoted some time ago for his hard labor. That was something excellent for the family.

Inside his room with all lights turned off, Pony sat on the edge staring at the ground. A couple weeks ago he wanted to sleep in his own room. The nightmares had disappeared so he thought sleeping with Soda wasn't necessary anymore. Sodapop took it hard realizing his brother didn't need him. Darry said it was fine. Then and now Pony would sleep next to Soda feeling a bit lonely.

Alone, his eyes gazed out the small window in his room into the stars twinkling. The feelings of stress and anxiousness filled him a lot lately. Something needed change. He felt so out of place with everyone and everything.

The moon shone brightly illuminating everything inside his room, even the copy of _Gone with the wind_ that was laid on his desk untouched.

"If only you were here Johnny...If only..."

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><p><strong>(Sorry for any grammar mistakes)<strong>

**I hope you enjoyed the first chapter. _I'm still here _is a song by JOHNNY RZEZNIK. ****This fan fiction will be based on it. Thank you for reading. (:**


	2. Chapter 2

**~I do not own The Outsiders~**

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><p><em><strong>"And what do you think you'd understand?<br>I'm a boy, no, I'm a man.  
>You can't take me and throw me away.<br>And how can you learn what's never shown?  
>Yeah, you stand here on your own.<br>**_**_They don't know me 'cause I'm not here_**_."_

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><p>At night, Sodapop got out of the shower walking to his room to change. Steve was going out on a date with some girl he recently met. Evie had broken up with him a year ago leaving him scarred, not as much as Soda with Sandy or who knows, maybe Steve can hide his emotions well enough to not let show off any signs of being sad. While dating Evie he had said that he didn't want to fall in love knowing he could get hurt in the end. Soda knows that his friend was heartbroken it's just that Steve wouldn't let his sentimental side be exposed.<p>

Twobit was at a party probably getting boozed up. Even after graduation alcohol was one thing he wouldn't get rid of.

Putting on a worn out shirt he heard the door open, it was Ponyboy. The sound of his backpack dropping on the floor was coming from the living room, footsteps heading to the bathroom. He smiled going to the kitchen for some juice. A couple of minutes later Pony appeared, he greeted Soda sitting down in the kitchen with a worn out look on his face. Soda shot him a concerned look, "What's up with you Pone? You don't look too hot."

His brother sighed rubbing his eyes yawning, "Tired that's all. Lucky for me it's Friday. Good thing I ain't going out tonight, maybe tomorrow."

Soda joined him at the table serving Pony a glass of juice to wake him up some more, "Oh yeah? Where to?"

"Um, my buddy Benjamin and I want to go to the movies then maybe hang out at the Dingo."

At that moment Darry entered with a folder in his hand, he overheard Pony talking.  
>"The Dingo? I'm not so sure Pone."<p>

"But Darry, I need a break too! I barely go out as it is!"

Darry shook his head taking off his jacket, "I don't think so little man, you told me you had exams coming up. It'd be better if you stayed to study."

Pony gave him an exasperated look, "Those are next week! C'mon Dar!"

Sodapop piped in, "He'll study Dar, give him a chance."

Darry gave them a stern look, " I said no... I'm going to take a shower."

Ponyboy frowned getting up from the table, _I can't believe him! I study way too hard! Geez! _Sodapop pursed his lips trying to think of something to say. It was clear that both Darry and Pony would be mad at each other the next day meaning the day would get tense. So he put an arm around his shoulder, "Awe, don't be like that. You know he does it for his own good."

Pony rolled his eyes, "Yeah well it's killing me. I study a lot Soda! I get straight A's! What else does he want from me? Golly..."

"Ya gotta understand, Darry wants what's best for you. _I _want what's best for you. And anyway, you know getting into college is very important. Brighten up, honey!" He ruffled his hair going to the couch.

"But I think I'm old enough already to know what I'm doing." Pony murmured under his breath.

Pony was 16 going on 17 in July. Maybe he wasn't that old but he was mature for his age. Actions speak louder than words and he showed it by doing very good at school, not getting into trouble. Yeah, some Socs would try to jump him luckily there was always a helping hand. Twobit, Soda, Steve and Darry stood up for him when they could. The young Curtis felt frustrated at his older brothers, they still treated him like a little boy. _I'm older, I think differently than I did two years ago! Almost three..._ Johnny and Dally's deaths left a deep emotional scar, he lived with regrets by making some bad decisions. What kept him sane was Johnny's last words in the letter he had written for him before dying. _ "_**_Listen,I don't mind dying was worth it. It was worth saving those lives are worth more than mine,they have more to live for_**_." _Which is why he now made more thoughtful decisions, why he matured more than he was supposed to.

Darry came out of the bathroom, he stared at Pony who was sitting on the couch for a second then he went to his bedroom shaking his head. Sodapop sighed turning on the television. Ponyboy picked up his backpack going into his room to do his homework. He sat down on the floor grabbing some textbooks, notebooks and pens. Biting on to his pencil he worked on some math problems. After that, some history questions and finally a small summary of a chapter he had read from a book in English class. It took him an hour to finish, he heard some lower voices speaking in the living room. The television was on but he heard, it was Soda speaking in a low voice with Darry. _Probably talking 'bout me._

It was true, Soda was telling Darry to quit being such an ass with Pony, of course, in much lighter words. Pony frowned, _Yeah so Darry wants me to keep being a 'good boy' but man, he takes it too far. I'm doing swell. Why can't he see that? He's acting the same way like...well...Before Johnny and..._ He shook his head smearing his hand into his forehead, he knew taking care of two younger brothers was a huge responsibility, a life changing decision. He also knew that Darry had to grow up quickly, not physical but mentally and emotionally. His oldest brother was strong in so many ways, he learned things that nobody had taught him like working roughly, managing money, taking care of two boys, that kind of stuff. Pony admired him a lot for it. _Also thankful, if it weren't for him I'd be in a boys home...Soda too..._Darry was a very good man, _But he also makes mistakes, like the one he did back then by hitting me and the one he is making now. I ain't no baby and he can't keep me treating me like one all the time breathing down my neck!_

The next day Steve along with Twobit stopped by, Soda was making dinner, Darry was at work. Pony was on the porch smoking irritated that he didn't get to go out. Benjamin had called him a an hour ago, "_Can't go Ben, some things...came up. Maybe another time." _ His friend didn't mind, he would go out with some else. _At least he's having fun, I'm stuck in here with Tweddle dee and Tweddle dum. _(Referring to Steve and Twobit.) Soda hollered for him, "Dinner's ready!"

Pony threw his cigarette, he made sure it burned out, still paranoid from the church's fire. _I just know it was a cigarette that caused of all it. _Inside, the table had plates that had a questionable looking piece of chicken with smashed potatoes on the side. Steve poked at it with a fork making a face, "Is this even edible?"

Twobit shrugged already stuffing his mouth, "Don't know but this tastes good,"_ Munch munch, "_Mmmm!"

Ponyboy dully looked at his food taking small bites out of it, Soda faked offense, "Excuse me Steve? Just look at it! It's delicious! How 'bout it Pone?"

"Sure." Pony said.

Steve smirked, "Aaawe little kid mad that he didn't get what he want? Hah!"

Twobit still stuffed with food raised his eyebrow, "Ya leave him alone! Baby Curtis doesn't need any," _Gulp,_ "-nobody to make fun of him! Got your back Pone!"

"I ain't no baby!" Pony snapped.

Soda shut them up, "Ok ok, just eat already!"

Steve snickered, "You act like such a sissy. kid, calm down. God..."

Pony stood up from the table taking his plate to the sink almost throwing it, "Shut up Steve!"

"Honey calm down please," It was Soda.

"Stop calling me names like that! Jesus, I'll wash the damned plates later."

The middle Curtis was taken aback, that had hurt him a little. His baby brother was everything to him and for Pone to say that, it provoked a cold sting in his heart. Twobit chewed on a toothpick wondering why there was so much bickering, Steve grimaced watching Soda go after Pony. _That kid is such a brat, can't he grow up? God, what the hell is wrong with him?_

Ponyboy folded his arms waiting for what Soda had to say, _Oh this better be good._ Sodapop took a second to think this out, he bit his bottom lip not knowing exactly how to say what he thought or felt. "Hon-Pony...I-Just take it easy. I mean, it's ok to let out..what you're feeling. At your age it's normal to get all...Rebellious. I understand, but just calm down ok buddy? You savvy?"

_Rebellious?! He thinks I'm rebel-Are you freaking kidding me?! Out of all the people I'd think you'd really understand! But not even you! _He really wanted to spit it out, say what he was thinking to Soda, instead he kept it all in not wanting to make this a bigger deal. Taking a deep breath Pony forced a smile, "I savvy you."

Soda grinned feeling some relief, "C'mon then, want some more chicken?"

Monday morning arrived, the young Greaser was still frustrated at everyone. He noticed that nobody was home as he walked through the house, there was a small note on the kitchen table with Darry's hand writing, **_Hurry up for school, be careful, Twobit isn't picking you up and Steve is with Soda they had to go to at the DX. Money for lunch is on the coffee table, come home early._**

"Well this is just great."

After taking a quick shower, eating breakfast and getting into his normal clothes putting on his jacket, Ponyboy stepped outside feeling the cold wind hit his face. The coolness felt good against his skin totally waking him up, _Refreshing._ He made his way towards school, the stress began to take over him again. The homework, the grades, the tests, college! The school building was appearing before his eyes, he took a deep breath. Another day had begun, things had changed drastically so suddenly that year. Darry wasn't making it easier or the rest of his friends. They thought he had it easy, had it made since he was going to college soon. They though Pony was ok, was actually fine, _happy_.

_They can think many things about me... but they don't know me. They know nothing__._

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><p><em><strong>(Sorry for any grammar mistakes)<strong>_

_**~ :) **_


	3. Chapter 3

**~I do not own The Outsiders~**

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><p><strong>"And I want a moment to be real,<strong>  
><strong>Wanna touch things I don't feel,<strong>  
><strong>Wanna hold on and feel I belong.<strong>  
><strong>And how can the world want me to change?<strong>  
><strong>They're the ones that stay the same.<strong>  
><strong>They don't know me,<strong>  
><strong>'Cause I'm not here."<strong>

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><p>Days into school, Pony was at lunch sitting with some 'friends' at school when he happened to see someone he hasn't heard of in such a long time. That person walked in smoothly into the cafeteria with some of his own friends not caring if he got attention from the people inside looking at him warily. Curly wandered around until his eyes fell upon Pony. He gestured for him to come. Excusing himself, he walked to where Tim's young brother was. Knowing what kind of guy he grew up to be made Pony cautious not wanting to get into messes with him. Being in the reformatory lots of time did nothing good, only toughened him up. And not in a good way.<p>

"Long time no see Curtis." He said slapping his back.

Pony cracked a smile, "Yeah, haven't seen you around school, where have you been?"

Curly scratched his cheek, "Not really into this school thing, I only come to see what's up with my fellows over here," he gave them a mischievous look, "there's more to life than just studying boring shit."

_Sure, like jumping people and going to jail. What kind of crappy life is that?_ But he nodded faking agreement, "Sure."

One of the guys snickered nudging Curly pointing at a Soc that walked by them. Curly narrowed his eyes then puffed at him. Shaking his head, "Anyway, how's superman doing? Soda? Steve and um, Twobutt."

Pony chuckled, "You know, here and there. Doing fine I guess."

"Hey Curly!" Someone shouted from behind, it was a guy Pony recognized named Byron. This guy grinned giving him a high five, "So you coming tonight?"

"Hell I am, what time?"

"Starts at 10, you better be there."

"You don't have to tell me twice."

"Where are you going?" Pony asked.

"Some party at his place." Curly responded.

"Can I come?" Pony asked even though he remembered Darry's dictating words, _Homework! School! Focus!_ _Blah blah blah._

Shepherd laughed, "Yeah right, Baby Curtis going to a party with us. Now that's something to laugh about. No way Ponyboy, I don't want yer brothers, especially the big one, going after me. Oh hey, gotta leave. Nice seeing ya." He left with his friends snickering at Pony causing him to feel absolutely humiliated. He blamed his brothers for this, it was because of their over protectiveness that this kind of stuff happened. So he's been at parties, but only barely. Drag races? Not much. He was never alone, he had to be baby sat. The movies? Nope, not even that, he needed someone with him. Darry wasn't going to leave him by his lonesome after the horrible accident. At least until he went off to college, even so, Darry promised himself he'd keep a look out for his little brother.

_This is just fucking dandy._ _Can't go out with my friend Ben now I can't even go to a party 'cause even Curly knows how I'm fucking treated like a little child!_ Ponyboy sucked up his emotions getting back to his table. _Can this go any better?_ He thought sarcastically.

Twobit picked him up from school to drop him at home, _I can't even walk home alone...gee._ Getting inside, Ponyboy sprawled himself on the couch closing his eyes for just a second feeling tired. School has been more changeling than usual, _I still got this. As long as I keep my grades straight As...I'm swell._ Suddenly somebody shouted at him from the bathroom. That scared him enough to fall of the couch on to the floor, "Pony?"

"Aah God, don't do that Darry."

Darry helped him up from the floor, "Sorry, didn't mean to...Do that. By the way, you can't sleep yet. First eat up then do homework."

"Can't I ever catch a break? A nap won't hurt anybody..."

"No can do kiddo."

Ponyboy rolled his eyes sitting down, he felt the need to scream, yell, holler at his oldest brother to just lay off. That it wasn't a big deal to take a lousy nap before doing anything else. _I'm tired!_ Darry saw his irritated expression giving him a glare from the kitchen, "Dang it Pone, don't you give me that look. You know the rules."

"How can I not? You keep biting me in the ass with the same things every day."

Darry gave him another glare, "Watch your trap Pony. I'm only doing it for your sake."

Pony snorted, "Mine or yours?"

"Jesus Chri-Can't you grow up already? Open your eyes _Michael_! You're almost 17 and heading off to college! Change, acting the way you are isn't going to get you nowhere."

Ponyboy winced when his second name was pronounced, only when mad did his friends or family say it. Annoyed by his words, he growled, "Look who's talking..."

Darrel spun around with anger flashing in his eyes, "I swear to God Pony-"

"Swear all you want! I don't care! I'm going to my room." His bedroom door slammed closed with his brother yelling after him. Pony leaning against the door slid down slowly sighing as he blocked every sound from his mind. Even the talking of Twobit, Steve and Soda who had just walked in the house at the unluckiest moment. (Hearing all the commotion) Soda began to ask what was going on. As Pony closed his eyes he wrapped his arms around his legs resting his head on his knees gritting his teeth trying to not cry from frustration. He wanted to know why Darry didn't open _his _eyes. Twobit was the same, even if he did graduate from high school he still was the same person that got drunk just for kicks, didn't care about getting a job, wise cracking guy. Steve, yeah he got promoted as a manger along with Soda, yeah he graduated from high school too yet he was the same jack ass towards Pony. Actually he even made it worse after their dispute. Soda...Soda after many years can't really get over Sandy. The fear of getting hurt still remains inside, that's why he hides behind his cheerfulness. His uncaring attitude.

_How can Darry expect me to change one fucking bit when they're all still the same. _

A picture of his parents caught his attention, it was placed on his desk next to his bed. His mother hugged by his father smiling happily at the camera, Soda had taken it. Ponyboy frowned sadly swallowing thickly, _Would you be proud of me? Accept me? ... Why'd you have to go?..._

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><p><em><strong>(Sorry for any grammar mistakes)<strong>_


	4. Chapter 4

**~I do not own The Outsiders~**

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><p><strong><em>"And you see the things they never see<em>****_  
><em>****_All you wanted, I could be_****_  
><em>****_Now you know me, and I'm not afraid_****_  
><em>****_And I wanna tell you who I am_****_  
><em>****_Can you help me be a man?_****_  
><em>****_They can't break me_****_  
><em>****_As long as I know who I am"_**

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><p>"Class is over. You may leave."<p>

Everybody in class got up talking to their friends about how graduation was getting closer. _'Which college are you going to?' 'So are you leaving?' 'Aren't you going to miss home?' 'Do you even have the money?' _Ponyboy waited until every Soc kid got out. Being in an advanced class meant that there would be no greasers except him. Socs gave him a hard time trying to make him feel less, but Pony knew better. It was lunch time, Benjamin was waiting for him outside the cafeteria, they normally didn't eat inside the (where almost all the Socs were) so they went out with the greasers (and some middle classed people).

"How's everything going for you Curtis?" Benjamin asked eating a sandwich.

Pony took a bite out of an apple, "Fine. Just dandy. You?"

Ben scratched the back of his neck, "I wish I was fine, my folks are being a pain in the ass, ya know, high school almost ending. Sheesh!"

Pony laughed taking another bite, "I can imagine." He said bitterly at the end remembering Darry was also being pain..

"I got a C on my English essay. Just because I put on too many comas! Damned lady. What'd you get?"

He hesitated to answer, "Uh...An A."

Ben's eyes widened, "Damn. No wonder you ain't all jittery! You got all the brains!"

"Well, this had to happen someday. School isn't hard. You just have to...push yourself to get what you want."

His friend gave him a meaningful look then half smiled, "I wish I was more like you Curtis."

Pony shook his head throwing his finished apple in a trash can, "You wouldn't like it. Believe me."

After school ended, Pony walked home with Ben, they parted ways 2 blocks down, he lived in the middle classed area. Walking on he thought about the talk with Ben. On how he was really nervous about finally moving in into a higher level of education. Leaving home to start your own independence, making his future. Ponyboy on the other hand, was actually calm. _Maybe a little stressed but I'm fine. That's good right?_ A small feeling of happiness surged inside of him realizing that he wasn't afraid of flying away from the nest. _Being Independent. Growing up._

When dinner time rolled by, the youngest Curtis shared some information making his brother Darry very happy.

"University State of Oklahoma?" Darry asked trying to hide his excited smile. That was where he was going to before the accident...

"Mm-Hm, that's where I'm applying to."

Darry couldn't do it so he broke into a wide grin, "I think that's an excellent idea little buddy." Pony noted the enthusiastic reaction in his words smiling happily.

Soda 'Whooped!', giving his little brother a slap on the back, "I'll drive you there to see how it is! Gosh Pones, I'm so proud of ya!" He too grinned widely, _I knew he'd come a long way. God damn it I'm so proud!_

On a Saturday morning, Pony lied to Darry saying he was going to the library for some hours to read something for a History assignment. Knowing he would drive him there, he told Ben to meet him at the Dingo. They drank some Pepsis, ate some hamburgers having a really good time. Stress free afternoon. Ponyboy felt relaxed as he sighed contently looking around. Seeing that it was almost time to leave, they stepped outside to walk home.

"You which college are you applying to Curtis?" Ben asked.

Pony slightly frowned not wanting to talk about it but answered anyway, "University State of Oklahoma."

His friend whistled a high tune, "I'm sure you'll get in. You're smart, I know it."

They walked past the park where a couple of Socs were. As Ponyboy and Ben passed by the Socs started snickering overhearing everything the two boys had said. One of them shouted, "A greaser in a college? Please! Only to work as a fucking janitor!"

Benjamin grimaced, he turned around ready to start a fight. He was a very loyal friend and Ponyboy was one of his closest friend he could ever have so nobody ever messed with his buddies. "Having your kind of brains I bet you could be one too!"

The Soc glared at him shutting his hands into fists fuming. Benjamin smirked doing the same until Pony gripped his arm pulling him away, "C'mon, don't listen to these guys. Let's get outta here, we ain't enough to even fight 'em."

"I don't care, I just wanna-"

Pony shook his head already leading him away while the enemies murmured some inaudible words. "I can't get in trouble anyways. It's getting late, let's go!"

Both hurried to the library, even though Ponyboy didn't show it he was mad in the inside. Over the time he knew how to hide his emotions very well. Somehow those Socs hit a very delicate nerve making him very angry, just because he was a greaser doesn't mean that he won't become someone in life. Ben huffed wiping his hands on his jeans sweating from the incident. The sun was going down leaving the moon to enlighten the sky. The chilly wind blew making them shudder.

"Fighting isn't going to solve anything." Pony suddenly said.

Ben shrugged, "Yeah well he was being a real jack ass. But whatever, nice hanging out Curtis. See you at school." He left grinning, Pony let out a deep breath waiting for his brother. He'd arrive soon. As he looked at the sky getting darker. The words of the Soc replayed in his head,_ "A greaser in a college? Please! Only to work as a fucking janitor!"_

_Huh, a janitor? No way, not even a Greaser would work as that. They'd probably jump somebody over being some janitor... I'm a Greaser all right and fucking proud of it! I'll show everybody who I really am. Let them Socs talk all they want. _

Darry's red truck came into view stopping in front of him smiling. He told Pony to get in, that Soda was waiting for him to eat dinner, "You know he gets all jumpy. He's not a patient person." His little brother chuckled nodding. It was true.

_Greaser, yeah. Poor? Maybe, but we're rich with what we call ... a real family._

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><p><em><strong>(Sorry for any grammar mistakes)<strong>_


	5. Chapter 5

**~I do not own The Outsiders~ **

**(This part repeats three times throughout the song)**

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><p><strong><em>"And I want a moment to be real,<em>****_  
><em>****_Wanna touch things I don't feel,_****_  
><em>****_Wanna hold on and feel I belong._****_  
><em>****_And how can the world want me to change?_****_  
><em>****_They're the ones that stay the same._****_  
><em>****_They can't see me,_****_  
><em>****_But I'm still here."_**

* * *

><p>Another day in school, Friday night to be exact. Last day before spring break, Pony was outside alone smoking. There were no adult supervision at lunch hour so he took the opportunity to do it. It made him relax. Other fellow Greasers hung out as well with their friends horsing around talking of their nightly adventures like the small fight between some Socs or some action with their girls. Taking another puff of smoke he exhaled it slowly, a hand ruffled his hair making him turn his neck around to see who it was. <em>Curly Shepherd.<em>

"Baby Curtis, how are you doing?"

Ponyboy grimaced at the mentioning of _Baby._ Curly noticed and began to snicker, "I mean, _Ponyboy._"

"M' Okay. You?"

"Just came by to see some of my guys, some small rumble going on tonight. I just want to confirm who's gonna go."

_Fighting. Haven't been in a rumble in a long time. _"How come ya'll gonna fight?"

Curly scratched his chin his eyes wandering around, "Don't really know...All I can say is this night around 12 there will be punches thrown around."

"Sounds...like a lot of fun." Obviously it was sarcasm but Curly took it serious so he smirked.

"I already told you, if you actually came with me to any of my _fun_ adventures, your brothers would have my head," he raised an eyebrow, "and we don't want Baby Curtis hurt now do we?"

Shepherd saw one of his guys so he left grunting a goodbye. Ponyboy stared at the ground scowling, yet again he was rejected by the people he thought he would fit in. _And yet again_ did he blame his brothers, after all, it was because of them that he was treated like some sort of fragile person. The bell rung, he shook his head heading to his class. _I ain't no fucking baby!_

Since tomorrow was the beginning of their spring vacation Pony decided to spend some time with Ben. So he walked to the DX where Sodapop was, he asked if he could use the phone to call Darry. It shouldn't be a problem, he was working in an office, so a small phone call wouldn't really be trouble.

"Darrel speaking."

Ponyboy gulped, "It's Pony."

Darry was more alert, "Something the matter?"

"Uh, no. I just wanted to um ask you if I could go to the movies, maybe have a burger afterwards."

There was a small silence, Pony rolled his eyes, _I can't believe I still have to ask permission._

"All right, just be home by eleven."

"Really? I mean ok! Sure. Bye."

Sodapop was watching everything, Ben was outside waiting with his backpack hanging behind him. Steve didn't really care much so he was behind in the garage working. Ponyboy showed a small smile on his face as he hung up. _Wow, did not...really expect that. _

"I'm betting that Dar let you get out of the house."

"You bet right! See you Soda."

"Be careful!" His brother shouted making Pony blush from embarrassment, Ben laughed. _Man, can he shout that any louder?_

For the rest of the day both friends went to the movies. Some detective movie was rolling so they were all attentive to it. During the film, Pony frowned a little remembering his days with Johnny. How they also hung out together. How his favorite beverage wasn't Pepsi but Coke and every time they'd argue playfully of which was best. He sighed rubbing his watery eyes. Ben asked him what was wrong.

"Nothing, just a bit tired."

Then they stopped by the Dingo for some hamburgers. Time passed quickly having such a great time like there was no care in the world for a couple of hours. School, college, homework, stress all forgotten. After that they walked around some. According to Ben he felt fat so they had to take time to walk and digest everything. Finally Pony felt it was late so he said it was time for him to leave.

Benjamin waved him a goodbye walking another different direction from Pony's. The Greaser glanced at his watch that used to be Darry's remembering he even had it on.

The time was ten after eleven. Ponyboy was supposed to be home ten minutes ago. _Just 10 minutes, it's no big deal._ It shouldn't have been, to his brother Darry at home peeking behind the curtains it was. Sodapop told him to take it easy, that their little brother would get there soon. "You know how he is, ain't ware of the time. I bet he didn't even remember his watch." His older brother simply mumbled some words under his breath mad. Couple minutes later the door opened with Ponyboy walking inside unaware of the whole tension his lateness had caused. Soda welcomed him with a smile, "Hey there Pones, how was your night out?"

"It was ok...What's wrong?" He asked noticing something was off.

Darry folded his arms, "You're late Ponyboy, I told to be home at eleven."

"Awe c'mon Darry! I'm only fifteen minutes late!"

"So? I expect you to obey what I say Ponyboy. You're grounded for the rest of the week. No 'buts.'"

Sodapop sighed, "Darry ain't ya taking this a bit too far?"

Ponyboy nodded quickly, "Exactly! I mean, you've been late when you got out when Mom and dad were alive."

Darry turned around, "It's for his own good, if he keeps doing what he wants then he'll never learn to be responsible." He left the living room not saying another word.

Young Curtis clamped his mouth shut keeping all the words he'd like to shout at Darry. _Is he fucking serious?! _Soda gave him a sorry look, "He is right in some stuff. I mean, you're growing up. You have to ... be...more...Responsible."

Pony gaped at him, _Oh please, not you too!_ It was one thing that Darry acted very strict with him giving him all those lousy orders but Sodapop agree with him? It just wasn't right. This was what Pony was talking about, how they treated him like a small child that didn't know what he was doing and then expect him to suddenly act like an adult. He felt like an animal trapped in a cage. The over protectiveness was over whelming. All the pressure from both brothers. _Sodapop somehow got it in his head to also 'support' me with my studies._

"Nuh-uh Soda, this is taking things too far! I mean, It's not like I got drunk!"

"No...but you have to understand-"

Something cracked inside of Pony. Something he had tried to keep safe, like a fragile mirror. Although this time it shattered into pieces, his mission of keeping it together failed.

"Understand? Understand?! You have to be freaking kidding me!"

Sodapop flinched with his outburst, "It's just that -"

He pointed a finger at Soda, "Don't you say anything Soda! I'm real damned tired of all this! Can't I ever catch a break? No! Out of all the people that remain I thought you would understand!" Pony stopped for a moment as he saw a picture on the wall beside him of the whole gang. His mother had taken the photograph, Johnny's arm was around Pony's shoulder both smiling softly at the camera.

His eyes began to sting, "Johnny would have understood...I know he would..."

Middle Curtis felt like somebody punched him on the stomach, "Pony..."

"Just leave me alone."

He went off to his room slamming the door. Darry got out of his bedroom giving him a confused look to Sodapop who was standing right outside Pony's door. Darry never saw them fight ever, maybe argue yeah but never like this. Soda swallowed the small knot in his throat. _Oh Pony. I-I'm sorry. Am I turning out to be a bad brother? Is-Are we taking it too far with this college crap? _

"-pop!"

"Huh? What?"

"What's wrong with you?"

"Darry...I think we are really going overboard with Ponyboy. I mean, he's just a kid anyway."

Darry pressed his lips into a straight line, "But Soda he needs to grow up soon. Getting into college-"

Sodapop interrupted him, "Darry! Seriously, you have to stop all this. We both know Ponyboy will do fine. He is doing great now! I don't see why you have to be all Hitler with him."

His brother raised an eyebrow, "Hitler? Really Sodapop?"

Soda smirked, "You know what I mean."

Sighing, Darry nodded slowly, "I guess you're right." He rubbed the back of his head feeling lousy.

"C'mon, go talk with Pony."

Darrel knocked on Pony's door. _No answer._

"Open up 'lil buddy, I just wanna talk ok?"

Another knock, _no answer again._

Sodapop spoke, "Ya can't stay in there all the time!"

Darry growled under his breath, his patience had run out so he twisted the door knob not caring what his smaller brother had to say. Opening the door his eyes widened with surprise. Soda peeked in scanning around the dark room since the lights were off. What caught his attention was that he window was wide open with the curtains blowing in the breeze. His stomach did a full flip.

_He was gone._

* * *

><p><strong>ooOoOoOoo<strong>

* * *

><p>Ponyboy was taken over the edge. Those over whelming feelings took over making him break inside.<p>

He had escaped from his room knowing exactly where he wanted to go. _They want me to change? All right, I'll give 'em a damn change._

"Curtis? What are you doing here?"

"You said that there's more than just_ 'studying shit.'_ I want to know...what more there is."

Curly grinned mischievously, "Welcome to the club."

* * *

><p><em><strong>(Sorry for any grammar mistakes)<strong>_

**Thank you for keeping up! (: **


	6. Chapter 6

**~I do not own The Outsiders~**

* * *

><p><strong><em>"They can't tell me who to be,<em>****_  
><em>****_'Cause I'm not what they see._****_  
><em>****_Yeah, the world is still sleepin',_****_  
><em>****_While I keep on dreamin' for me._****_  
><em>****_And their words are just whispers_****_  
><em>****_And lies that I'll never believe"._**

* * *

><p>Sodapop's leg jumped up and down nervous of just thinking where his little brother could be doing. Knowing he was angry of what had happened meant nothing good was coming out it, Steve and Twobit had shown up called by Darry minutes later so they could help to find him. Darry was pacing around the room running his hand through his hair feeling so many things. Anger, hurt, anxiousness, sadness, guiltiness... He felt guilty since it was his fault that Pony had run off <em>again.<em> Memories of the awful night years ago surged in his mind making him more anxious. Grabbing his keys from the coffee table he couldn't control that bad sensation in the pity of his stomach so he barged right out of the house. Sodapop snapped his head up from what he was doing following his older brother behind.

"What are you doing?" He asked stopping him.

"What do you think I'm doing? I'm going to look for our brother!"

Steve interfered, "I thought we were going to help you?"

Twobit nodded roughly, "Damn straight we are. Where do we begin?"

Darry rubbed his forehead, "I-I haven't really thought about it..."

"What about the library?" Steve asked.

"Nah, it's closed anyways. I'm thinking he might have gone to a party or somethin." Soda said.

Twobit shrugged, "Maybe the park."

Darry sighed, "Let's separate all right? Steve and Twobit, ya'll go to the Dingo and park, Soda and I will go around driving, maybe he's just walking."

They all agreed, Darry sighed already in the truck with Soda. His hands gripped tightly the steering wheel, Sodapop pressed his lips together knowing what he was thinking. The truck started, the engine running smoothly. Middle Curtis placed his hand on his brother's shoulder confirming the tense building up on him.

"Darry..."

"Don't Soda...I don't really want to talk right now..."

"We'll find him Dar."

Darry frowned sadly, "I just don't want to repeat the story Soda...It would kill me..."

"It won't...It can't..."

"Let's hope Pony is ok. That's all I want."

* * *

><p><strong>ooOoOoOoo<strong>

* * *

><p>Seven young Greasers arrived at their destination. The usual spot for a fight was the lot but this time it was somewhere else, it was an abandoned warehouse less than a mile away from the Tulsa park. The fight had to be in another more discrete place where no one could be interrupted. Ponyboy was feeling nervous as he was in the car with Curly and some guys getting closer to their destination. <em>I wonder what Darry's doing...Is Sodapop worried? Are Twobit and Steve looking for me? What the hell am I doing?<em> He was already feeling regretful of even coming but it was too late to chicken out. First of all it would make him look like a wuss and second, because he'd be letting his fellow Greasers down.

At the warehouse, mustangs were parked there with Socs waiting a look of disgust when Pony along with the guys stepped out. Supposedly it was a clean fight, no weapons just one's bare fists. Curly had a smoke in his mouth making it smaller by every puff of smoke he did. For a couple of minutes they organized themselves, this time Curly was the leader. He always wanted to be leader of the _'pack'_, Tim was the alpha this time it was his younger brother.

Finally it was time, there were about two more Socs then they, either way Pony thought they could take 'em. The Greasers put on their tuff faces glaring at the Socs who were scowling. Curly stepped forward smirking, his chin up high not showing any signs of fear. One of the Socs that was about his height also stepped forward amused by his brave face. Ponyboy swallowed hard, _I'm really going to do this...Holy shit I don't even got nobody to watch my back either. _When he got into a rumble with his buddies they'd usually be by his side helping him in anyway. This time nobody would help him. He was all alone. No Darry, Soda, Steve or Twobit.

"So you think you're all ... tuff, huh?" The Soc asked as he spat the word _tuff._

Curly narrowed his eyes growling, "Tougher than you I'll bet."

The Soc suddenly punched him on the face, Curly stumbled back but quickly gave a bigger blow back. The enemy fell down. _The fight was on._

Ponyboy made his hands into fists prepared as one of the Socs had already picked him out. He tried punching him on the face as well, Pony was quicker. At 16 going on seventeen his body had changed, his strength and abilities too. So he backed one step back then aimed at his stomach knocking the wind out of him. The Soc fell on his knees, Ponyboy slammed his fist to his mouth. Blood flowed out. One victory and more to go. Curly had his hands full with two on his tail. The rest were fighting on their own. He fought another two, punches, blows to the face, blood spilled everywhere. Pony had his own bruises and cuts. One he knew that was forming on his left cheek, another on his temple and busted bottom lip. He also felt his ribs had bruised up.

The Socs began to retreat, _Greasers had won!_ Some guys pumped their fists into the air shouting happily. Some were on the ground moaning in pain yet glad to see them run like cowards. Ponyboy had a weak smile as he tried to regain his breath, _I did it. I did this on my own. We won!_ The feeling of being proud only lasted moments.

Curly, who looked like shit, turned around to see Ponyboy standing up straight. His eyes widened though when he saw who was behind him. Shepherd immediately shouted, "Look out!"

Ponyboy slowly faced behind him, the same Soc who he had beaten in the beginning was grinning evilly holding a blade in his hand, "Tuff enough for this?!"

Young Curtis's mouth was shaped into an 'o'. The cold metal object penetrated abdomen, a warm burning sensation was felt as his eyes filled up with pain. His legs wore out so he fell on to his side, everything began to get hazy and the voices sounded far away. The blade was still stuck to him, he saw people fighting again. _I thought the fight was over...Is it starting again?...I should get up._ His thoughts were fuzzy as blood flowed out, he tried getting up unsuccessfully, the pain was too much so he groaned loudly. _Wh-what's going on?..._

_"Poooonyyy?" _ Someone asked.

Pony tried looking where the person who had called him was, now his eye sight was fading, large black spots taking over.

_"Jesus Christ! Kid, can you hear me?!" _

He was getting weaker, the only sound that escaped his mouth were whimpers now. Pony gritted his teeth, _My stomach hurts..._

The last words he could make out before he was swallowed up by darkness were, _"Get the car! The fucking car!"_

_Aaaawe man...Dar's gonna kill me..._

* * *

><p><strong>ooOoOoOoo<strong>

* * *

><p>Steve kicked a stone on the road getting back from every place he and Twobit could think of. His buddy's kid brother was nowhere to be found. Twobit whistled a tune trying to lighten up the mood. Steve rolled his eyes, <em>Damn kid! Always getting into trouble...You are such a trouble magnet. Hell, you're a lucky smartass. Ya shoulda been dead with Johnny and...<em> He shook his head, _I__m such a jack ass..._

"I hope the kid's all right." Twobit said in a serious tone.

Steve shrugged, "Let's just hope we don't find him dead or somethin."

"Shut up Steve."

"C'mon man! You know as well as I do that kid is some sort of trouble magnet! Look what happened with Dally and John-"

Twobit stopped him and narrowed his eyes, "Watch your mouth Steve. I know you and Pone don't get along well but it's no excuse to talk like that about him! You don't know what he's been though and you never will. So I suggest you keep your damned trap shut."

Steve stayed silent stunned by his words. Twobit grumbled some words walking away, _Christ...I'm really a big ass..._

After some walking with no one talking they saw Tim pass by with an angry expression on his face. He nodded a hello to them stopping to make small talk.

"Tim. What's with the face?" Twobit joked.

Tim looked hard at him, "Going after my stupid brother. Someone told me he and some friends got into a rumble."

Steve raised an eyebrow confused, "But the lot is empty."

"The lot ain't the place they're fighting in."

Twobit thought for a moment until he gasped, "Holy shit...Holy shit!"

Steve shook him, "What the hell is up with you?"

"Steve! I know where Pony is!"

Tim looked at both of them not really getting it. Steve widened his eyes. _The rumble!_

"Take us where the rumble is! Pony's with 'em!" Twobit said nervously.

Tim nodded now understanding, "Hurry then, c'mon."

The three of them drove away. As they got closer, the warehouse was in sight. They saw Socs run to their mustangs jumping inside. Steve grinned knowing Greasers had won. Twobit on the other hand searched in the small crowed for Pony. Getting out he caught him. They heard Curly yell something about someone behind. A Soc with a blade. Twobit froze on the spot, _Ah fuck..._

Pony was on the ground, Tim and Steve ran full speed towards the Soc knocking him out. Twobit ran to Ponyboy, he had a weird look on his face. Blood spread across his shirt soaking it. The Greaser didn't mind getting blood on his own clothes. Curly was beside him in a second taking off shirt to clean him up a little. The blade was still stuck in him.

"Pony?" Curly asked.

He got no answer only groans.

Steve was now there with them breathing hard after beating the Soc up, "Jesus Christ! Kid can you hear me?"

Pony started whimpering shutting his eyes from all the hurting, Steve began to shout, "Get the car! Get the fucking car!"

Tim had the car running with no hesitation, they sped away like someone was chasing them. Twobit gulped holding on to Pony for dear life praying feverishly, _Jesus, God, Joseph whatever, please please don't let Ponyboy die! I swear-I swear if you let him live I-I won't drink for a whole month! Only water and look for a job! Please just let him live! Johnny, Dally I know you can hear me!_

At the hospital, nurses and doctors quickly attended Ponyboy seeing him in critical condition. Tim had to leave to see his brother saying as he left, "If you need anything just give me a call." Shepherd never offered help unless it was a real emergency or if he really cared. In this case it was both. Twobit asked if he could get to a phone. The nurse let him call. _Beep...Beep..._No answer. Nobody was home yet.

"I'll go look for 'em. You stay here just in case, call them back in 10 minutes." Steve hurriedly walked out of the hospital.

_Kid you better live. I'm real fucking sorry for everything I did to you. Hell, if you live I promise...I promise to say it when you wake up._

* * *

><p><strong>ooOoOoOoo<strong>

* * *

><p>Sodapop rubbed his eyes from exhaustion, they still hadn't found their little brother. They asked everywhere and everyone they knew. Even checked the graveyard but no, not even there. Darry was getting very impatient. Instead of feeling angry he felt restless. As long as he didn't see his brother the idea of him being in danger was present. Driving back home disappointed, Soda sighed. <em>Oh Ponyboy please be ok.<em>

Turning a corner, a loud voice called their names. It was Steve running as fast as he could to get their attention. Darry stopped the truck, "Steve? What is it?"

Steve panted, "Y-W-We gotta go to the hospital!"

Sodapop felt the blood on his face drain, "Why..?"

"P-Pony!...Accidet!"

Darry's stomach felt sick, his body felt cold like someone splashed him with a bucket full of ice cold water, "Get in."

Steve nodded, he got inside and saw the face of Sodapop. He could say that everything was going to be just fine, that he didn't have to worry but he knew it wasn't like that. So he kept quiet for the rest of the short ride. Darry was driving over the speed limit not caring if the police stopped him. Although that night it didn't seem so.

* * *

><p><strong><em>(Sorry for any grammar mistakes)<em>**


	7. Chapter 7

**~I do not own The Outsiders~**

* * *

><p><strong><em>"And I want a moment to be real,<em>****_  
><em>****_Wanna touch things I don't feel,_****_  
><em>****_Wanna hold on and feel I belong._****_  
><em>****_And how can they say I never change?_****_  
><em>****_They're the ones that stay the same._****_  
><em>****_I'm the one now,_****_  
><em>****_'Cause I'm still here."_**

* * *

><p>Darry placed his head in his hands as he sat down on the chair in the waiting room of the hospital with Sodapop, Twobit and Steve. Sodapop's leg was jumping up and down from the anxiousness of waiting for any results from the doctor. Twobit bit on his bottom lip making it bleed a little. Steve was reading a magazine for the fifth time already trying to see if he missed any details. Finally a doctor showed up as the Greasers stood up from their seats.<p>

"Only the legal Guardian." He said in a serious tone.

Darry shook hands, "I'm his legal Guardian."

"May I speak with you in private?"

Sodapop was beside his older brother in an instant, "I'm his second oldest brother so I have the right to know."

Darry was much too worried to scold him, the doctor nodded leading them to his office. Twobit and Steve had no choice but to keep waiting. They arrived at a small area, they seated themselves nervous of the outcome. The doctor named Mr. Williams cleared his throat before speaking. Soda didn't take this as a good sign so he bit the inside of his cheek hard tasting the coppery blood.

"Well let's start out with the fact that he was stabbed in the abdomen. Now, not many people really live to tell the tale lucky for him tough, the weapon used did not injure any important organs. The real problem here is an infection he's fighting right now. Ponyboy showed a very high fever so we gave him strong antibiotics. If by tomorrow the infection is gone your brother may leave in a couple of days if not...I'm afraid this whole situation could be fatal."

The oldest Curtis's stone faced winced, Soda sucked in air like someone had punched him in the stomach. _Oh God...Oh God..._

"Is there something I can do to help? Uh- give blood, my kidney? Anything doc.!" There was that panicked tone in his voice desperate to do anything for his baby brother, the idea of him dying just didn't fit anywhere in his mind. Darry stood up from his seat, "Seriously though, anything we can help with? There has to be something!" Frustration, anxiousness and many dreadful feeling cooped up inside of him was not a good mix. The Doctor understood how they were feeling but there wasn't really much of an option except wait to find out about Pony's health.

"That's all? I thought you were a _good_ freaking doctor!" Soda's voice got louder.

Darry pinched the bridge of his nose containing his anger, "Ok, until morning. Fine, but we are not leaving his side. I swear if any nurse tries to kick us out-"

The doc sighed, he shook his head knowing very well that the two men in front of him were stubborn wondering if it ran in the family, "All right, all right. Just this once boys. Just please no problems. I'll lead you to his room."

They followed him down some hallways passing many rooms until they stopped. He pressed his lips into a straight line finding the correct words before letting them inside to face the harsh reality, "Just remember, he's in a bad state so just be prepared _and_ be careful."

Opening the door slowly, Ponyboy's brothers entered as the Doctor left to give them their space. Darry covered his mouth with his fist as his eyes looked glassy. Sodapop's eyes widened, step by step he got closer to his brother's bed, he gently grabbed one of Ponyboy's pale hands shuddering at how cold it felt. Tears welled up in his eyes as he whispered under his breath, "Jesus Christ."

* * *

><p>Twobit stretched in his seat standing up, he wasn't a very patient person so he got restless. Steve was resting his head on his hand thinking of the bad things he ever said to his best friend's kid brother. Guiltiness began to take over believing Pony was in a very grave situation. <em>I'm such a prick. Why do I hafta be such a god damn jerk? I mean yeah, Pony's a smartass little brat but why...why do I have to be such an ass with him? <em>Deep down he knew why. It was because Sodapop loved so much Ponyboy. He loved him more than anything in the world ever since he was born. At first Soda didn't want him saying he was going to ruin everything. (You know how little kids are) But seeing his two green eyes peek up at his middle brother from their mother's arms is where the strong bond between them was born. Sodapop promised himself to protect, love and simply be with him forever.

Steve would always be second if not third in the list of people Soda cared for. Which is why he always got mad when Soda asked Pony to come along with them. Which is why his and Pony's relationship as friends disintegrated over time especially that specific day a year ago.

_There was a school dance going on that night. The boys decided to go even though they weren't really supposed to since they weren't attending it anymore. But who cared anyway? Ponyboy declined going saying he had some other stuff to do. Sodapop insisted his little brother for hours, that he needed time to have some fun maybe get a girl on a date. Steve started getting angry, __**Little bastard acting like some broad. **_

_"Really Soda, I don't wanna go. So just stop it." Ponyboy sighed leaving to smoke outside on the porch._

_Steve shook his head angrily going after him while Twobit and Soda were left inside wondering why Pony kept rejecting the idea._

_Outside, Ponyboy took a big puff of smoke exhaling it slowly. Steve gripped his arm not really caring if it looked wrong, "__Get a life kid, you're already 16 and haven't had a girl. __What's up with you?" _

_Small Curtis stared at him with a scowl on his face. He didn't know why Steve had to burst out like that. He dropped his cigarette to the ground, the sound of Darry's truck was heard as he parked it nearby. Getting out of his grip Pony gritted his teeth, __**Who the fuck does he think he is?!**__ Then in a quick second his right hand already in a fist made contact with Steve's face making him stumble backwards. Darry saw everything as he got out of his truck running quickly to them. Steve was cursing loudly, Soda and Twobit ran outside grabbing him before he had the chance to fight back, Darry handled Pony who was squirming in his arms ready to give more punches. _

_"What the fuck is your god damned problem kid?!" _

_Ponyboy glared at him, "You're my fucking problem!"_

_Afterwards they didn't speak for days, the gang was falling apart. Sodapop ignored Steve knowing it was his fault from the beginning. Twobit felt down in the dumps, he wanted to be with Steve and the Curtis brothers all together. Darry warned Steve that if he ever pulled something like that again he'd have another bruise on his face. Ponyboy stayed in his room the majority of his time ignoring everybody. One day, he talked to Steve alone taking the opportunity._

_"Let's just forget what happened." Pone grumbled._

_Steve sighed, "Yeah sure, whatever."_

_"For Soda, just for Soda. I still hate you and you know you still hate me."_

_With a snicker Steve agreed, "Damn straight."_

_At home they 'made up' in front of everyone, Steve apologized as Pony shrugged saying it was no big deal. Sodapop grinned ear to ear believing everything was right as rain again. But he was wrong. _

Darry and Sodapop appeared, Twobit with Steve looked at them waiting for an answer. Soda had red puffy eyes sniffling as he ran his hand through his hair. Darry swallowed the big knot in his throat that was there since he saw Ponyboy bleeding. Soda began talking with his voice cracking up.

"P-Pony is real bad. I mean, the-the-"

Darry continued though saying it bluntly, "We have to wait until tomorrow to know if he'll live or not. Until tomorrow..."

Twobit covered his face with his hand, "Awe kid..." Something in his chest felt like it had broken, the boy was like a little brother for him too. Hearing these bad news obviously had him heart broken from this.

Steve's jaw was clenched tightly, he knew Pony was hurt badly but not like this. Not so much that he could actually die. _Kid I swear, I SWEAR that if you make it out alive I'll fucking be nicer. God I swear..._

The four of them stayed in the waiting room each praying feverishly in their own head, promising many things just for the youngest of their friends to simply be okay. To stay alive, to be well. Darrel with his middle brother went back to the room where Pony was being kept telling the other two to go back home, they could come back the next day... Twobit nodded leaving with Steve. He already had planned out where to go, Bucks to get drunk and forget all this. So it wouldn't hurt if anything bad happened. Steve wanted to be alone so he went to the lot. In a sitting position on top of an abandoned beat up car he started smoking gazing up at the sky.

Regrets filled his mind, all those words and thoughts...He angrily threw his smoke to the ground.

He whispered, "Damned kid...Please just...just make it. Not for me but for Soda...for Darry...Christ what am I saying..."

* * *

><p><em>"Hey kid."<em>

_"Pony."_

_Groaning he sat up from where ever he was. _

_"'Bout time sleeping beauty."_

_He rubbed his eyes with the palm of his hands, __**Where am I?**_

_"Lay off him, he just woke up."_

_Finally his eyes adjusted to the area he was in which was apparently the place he longed to forget. The church in Windrixville. Ponyboy jumped up not believing his eyes. __**How the hell did I get here?!**_ _But a voice interrupted his thoughts._

_"Feeling better?" _

_Slowly, his face searched for the owner of the voice who was standing steps away from him. In barely a whisper he said, "Johnny."_

_"Yup, that's me."_

_In a blink of an eye Ponyboy ran full speed hugging him tightly tears already sliding down his cheeks. Johnny chuckled lightly hugging him back with the same force. _

_"Ain't this just tearful sight." _

_Pony turned, there was Dally his hands in the pockets of his jacket. Just as fast did he hug Dally, "Kid ya hugging the daylights of me!" Dally tried to sound mean but with that smile on his face it didn't seem so._

_"W-what are you guys d-doing here?" Pony asked wiping away his tears feeling a little embarrassed. _

_"We should be asking you that." Dally responded._

_Johnny pursed his lips, "Don't you remember what happened?" _

_Ponyboy kicked some rubble that was on the ground, "Not really."_

_Dally kicked the rubble back, "Let me help you remember, c'mere."_

_Dallas lifted Pony's shirt revealing a small nasty injury with dried up blood. Ponyboy cursed loudly backing away. Johnny rolled his eyes calming his friend down, "Relax, Dally's just being a big jerk."_

_"Watch that mouth of yours Johnny, just 'cause we're some sort of ghosts don't mean I can't kick your-"_

_"Just tell me what happened?!" Pone asked frantically poking at his wound._

_Dally slapped away his hand, "You got in some trouble, someone tried to make ribbons out of you."_

_Johnny folded his arms, "The rumble with Curly? The Soc with the switch blade?"_

_The memories came crashing down, he remembered the fight, the rumble, the Soc stabbing him and then blacking out. His eyes widened, "Oh..."_

_"Yeah, oh." Dallas grinned walking around._

_"Am I dead?" _

_Johnny sat down on something that looked like a burned up bench, "Not really."_

_"What is that supposed to mean?" _

_Dally patted Pony's back, "It means you're in the middle of life or death, kid."_

_"Am I gonna die?" _

_"You aren't. You're going to live." Johnny affirmed._

_Ponyboy frowned, "How do you know."_

_Dally groaned, "Is this some game of 20 questions or somethin? Pony, we're your guardian angels. That's why we know."_

_Pony didn't know what to say to that so he just kept quiet. He sat down next to Johnny, inside he knew it some sort of dream but he didn't care. He'd enjoy it all, he had missed his friends dearly. Dream or not they were with him talking. They looked fine and that's al that mattered to him. Johnny shot him a smile to which Pony returned. __**Guardian angels, huh? I dig it.**_

_"Hey Pony, can you promise me something?" Johnny suddenly asked._

_"Sure."_

_"Remember what I said before I died?"_

_Pony nodded, "I do."_

_"Stay that way Pone."_

_Both Dally and Johnny gave each other a look, "It's time for us to go." _

_A small sob escaped Pony's lips, "D-don't go guys. Please."_

_Dally winked at him, "Don't get all sad on me Pone. We're your guardian angels. We look after you.."_

_Johnny smiled, "And keep in mind that your brothers love you. They only want what's good for you."_

_Before disappearing Dally shouted proudly, "Greasers till the end!"_

_Ponyboy laughed weakly waving goodbye, "Greasers till the end..."_

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><p><em><strong>(Sorry for any grammar mistakes) <strong>_

**Thank you for the wonderful reviews and keeping with this fanfic. Last chapter coming up soon... (: **


	8. Chapter 8

~I do not own The Outsiders~

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><p><strong><em>"I'm the one,<em>****_  
><em>****_'Cause I'm still here._****_  
><em>****_I'm still here._****_  
><em>****_I'm still here._****_  
><em>****_I'm still here."_**

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><p>The room was dark, the small window in the hospital room showed the darkness outside. At 6 in the morning it was still very black outside with the moon still shining. Some stars were left to fade away in some time, Darry sat in an uncomfortable chair deep in thought of what was going on like why this was happening and all those things. His eyes wandered around until they landed on Sodapop who was beside Ponyboy resting his head on the bed their hands in each others. <em>I swear they're stronger than twins. Hell, they should have been born twins.<em> He sighed as his arms cracked when he stretched in his seat. Ponyboy was still in some sort of coma like state where the only sound was the machine's annoying _beep...beep__**.**_

Asleep his little brother looked awfully young. Nobody would believe him if he told everyone his real age which was sixteen almost seventeen soon in July. Darry tried smiling knowing that he'd be an adult a year from now, Eighteen. _Man does he grow up real fast. I remember when he was just a little baby. When Ma showed me Pony, his tiny hands and feet. When he learned to walk and talk. _A grin spread across his face, _When he tried saying my name. Heh, Dawy. Didn't sound so bad. _He also remembered his first day of kindergarten, how Ponyboy was the only little kid who didn't cry while the others bawled for their parents to not leave them there all alone. Darry was very proud knowing he didn't have a crybaby brother. Then on how he'd be off to college soon. His grin faded.

They had fought recently about school, His curfew. The homework, the exams, everything really. _Was I really too harsh on him? Did I over react again?_ Seeing his brother very pale in the bed confirmed his answers. _I should have taken it easier with Pony, I shouldn't have been so hard. He's doing just fine. His grades, his application! And now look where he landed because of me. _A shuddered breath escaped him, _Pony wake up, I promise I won't treat you like that again. Sometimes...sometimes it's just too hard. I just.., Love you little colt. That's all. I mean no harm...I want what's best for you. _ He covered his face with his hands.

Sodapop yawned waking up from his slumber, scratching his cheek he quickly looked at his brother for any signs at all. Yet Pony made no movement, only slow rise of his chest going up and down. Soda smiled sadly ruffling his brother's hair carefully, "Morning Pone. Hey Dar."

"Good morning little buddy."

"He ain't waking up Darry..." Middle Curtis sadly whispered with no hope in his voice.

"It's still dark Soda, we still have time. He'll wake up."

Sodapop swallowed feeling the sobs trying to erupt from his chest, "He has to Dar. I-I wouldn't know what to do i-if he-"

Darry stopped him, "Don't even go there Soda. Don't you dare."

Both brothers stayed quiet, the sounds of footsteps outside the room of nurses walking down the hallway echoed. The machine kept it's beat. Sodapop caressed Pony's hand, _C'mon honey, just open them pretty green eyes. _

The sun was rising outside, the darkness vanished. Morning was getting there, the white clouds appeared along with the blue pale sky. Darry was getting anxious, Soda rubbed his eyes keeping the tears away. Darry's hand touched Pony's forehead, "He feels a little warm."

"Is that bad?"

"I don't think so."

Just as they were getting up to get a nurse, they heard a small groan. Sodapop spun around, Darry's eyes widened. It was Ponyboy. He stifled another groan as he opened his eyes adjusting to the light. His green orbs of eyes fluttered opened noticing where he was. He spotted his brothers who were frozen by the door staring at him like it was the first time they'd seen him in a long time. Ponyboy cocked his head to the right and with his hoarse voice asked, "Did I grow a third eye or something?"

Sodapop made a strange noise then ran to his brother hugging him, Ponyboy winced from the pain on his stomach but didn't care. He hugged him back smiling weakly.

"Pony Pony Pony! Oh God, you're ok! You're fine! Pony!" He burried his head into Pony's shoulder crying happily.

Darry looked down at the ground, Ponyboy knew that face he thought he'd never see again. That broken face with despair along with the sentiment of anguish. Darry was also crying.

"Darry." Pony softly spoke.

"You're awake. I knew you'd wake up kiddo." His vice began to break at the end.

They embraced as well, the three of them together. The doctor, Mr. Williams, walked in on the scene. He stopped feeling like he had invaded their privacy.

"He's awake Mr. Williams." Darry started.

The doctor nodded checking on his vital signs and the chart he had in his hands scribbling words down, "His fever is gone, a little warm but that's normal... Ponyboy, you are one lucky boy."

He shrugged, "I guess."

"He can be discharged in two days, for now let's take it lightly for his wound to scar..."

The rest of the day consisted of Darry and the doctor talking about his medical care at home, Sodapop telling the good news to the rest of the gang. Twobit with Steve visiting the kid to lighten him up. Steve apologized to Pony since he did promise to do that if he woke up.

"I uh, just wanted to um, wanted to..."

Ponyboy rolled his eyes, "Just spit it out already Steve."

"Apologize."

The injured Greaser was stunned, "Apologize?"

Steve nodded, "Yes kid, apologize. For everything. I mean, you know, what happened before." He looked away glaring at the chair beside him, "What the hell am I doing," He murmured.

Curtis understood now, all the fights between them, all the bickering wanting to be left in the past. This was a real deep down meaningful apologize...From Steve. _This should be recorded and sent to the news._ He smiled, "It's ok Steve. I kinda was a jerk to you too. A real ass. So... yeah. I'm...Sorry too."

Steve was turning red realizing how sappy this was getting, "And Pone...I don't hate you."

"I don't either. You dig ok."

Both laughed out of nowhere after a moment of uncomfortable silence, Ponyboy felt happy now that he become conscious that everything was getting better. _Everything began to heal._

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><p>The days passed by, Pony got discharged getting back home. Everyone was cautious around him. <em>No rough housing <em>Darry warned before leaving to work. Sodapop took time off to take care of him by making food, giving him his medication, anything at all. Twobit joked saying, "All he needs is a pretty nurse costume for crying out loud!"

Soda had smacked him behind the head while Ponyboy threw an empty Pepsi can from where he was, (The couch). Steve snorted agreeing which earned him a smack as well. Since Pony didn't have any more cans all he did was narrow his eyes.

In short time did the young Curtis's stab wound started healing, he walked by himself now with no help of anybody. Benjamin had visited him often checking up on his best friend, "I missed all the fun I suppose."

Ponyboy punched him lightly, "Sure 'cause having a hole in your stomach is lots of fun."

Lucky for him he was better by the time of the graduation ceremony. That morning Darry, Sodapop, Steve and Twobit arrived taking a seat on the bleachers where many people were getting ready to see their young ones go one by one to get their diploma. They all had to wait a couple of moments before it even started, finally the all famous graduating music began. Darry sat straight while The principal began speaking welcoming everybody. Thanking them for their presence _bla bla bla _was all Sodapop heard. Twobit chewed on some gum getting bored, Steve was a bit attentive but also getting distracted.

After that the diplomas were getting handed one by one, Darry held out his camera when he heard his little brother's name pointing right at him.

"Ponyboy Michael Curtis."

Sodapop whooped for him, Twobit shouted his name making his chewed gum fall from his mouth, Steve clapped loudly. Ponyboy grinned shaking hands with the teachers and principal. Darry took many pictures not wanting to miss anything. He saw Pony turn around as if going back in line to start over.

"Where's he going?" Soda asked.

Darry, "I don't know..."

All the names were said until the very last one. Darry searched for Pony since his classmates were seated in the front. _What's going on?_ Then he knew why. The principal cleared his throat into the microphone grabbing the people's attention.

"There is still one final thing we must do before this graduation is over. As we all know there must be a 'Good-bye' speech so I present you our honorary student who will give the speech... Ponyboy Michael Curtis, a round of applause please."

Darry was left with no words, Sodapop stared in awe, _My baby brother...Oh my God,,,,Oh my God!_ If he could have smiled wider he would. Twobit felt happiness rise inside of him, _ Pony my man! Honorary student! Suck on that Socs! _Steve folded his arms really impressed, even though he didn't want to admit it he was as proud as all of them. _Ponyboy, if I had bet on you that you would be the one to leave this Grease town I would have won in the end. I just knew it all along. _

Ponyboy in his gown licked his lips thanking the crowd, he also cleared his throat ready for this. he had prepared this speech before secretly. He wanted this to be a surprise for his brothers and friends _Boy are they surprised_. He took a minute to spot them sitting on the bleachers beaming at him. Pony smiled, _Pretty tuff ain't it guys?_

"Let's make this short and sweet to not make this boring shall we?"

The people laughed at his humor.

"We've all come a long way to get where we are. I'm not just talking about us the graduating students, no, I'm talking about every single one of you who had the time, the love and care for us, get the proper education and help us grow wings for us to leave the nest. I know that it was a wild ride, I mean c'mon. We're teens, we're rebellious and want to explore the world..."

Darry raised an eyebrow, _I sure know how that feels._

"But always remember, it's not in the victory, it's in the struggle. Which is why this is our thanks to you for keeping us in the right path. This is out time to show you that we can make it, that we can do this... I once had a friend who told me very wise words before he passed away-"

Ponyboy swallowed thickly remembering Johnny. The Greasers understood who he was talking about so they listened carefully.

" -and I want to thank him for saying them, 'Stay Gold', he told me. Those two simple words mean the world to me and now I want to share them with you. We are starting to grow more each day, so we must always remember to stay gold. Enjoy the time we have and like I said before. Be thankful for what he have. And I say this... Stay Gold guys... Stay Gold..."

Everyone stayed silent.

Then a loud round of applause and cheers exploded. His classmates and their families clapped joyfully. His speech really had affected the in a positive way. _Go Pony! Ponyboy! That a boy! Whoop! Stay Gold!_

He had a tear running down his cheek wiping it away quickly smiling at what he saw around him. Darry's eyes began to water, he knew his choice of taking care of his brothers over going to college was worth this moment. All that time of lecturing, bickering, working hard hours was worth every second of this day. _Mom, Dad, where ever you are, I know you'd be proud. Just look at Ponyboy. he's worth it, they both are._

Sodapop clapped and started whistling, "That's right! He's my brother! Ponyboy is my brother!" Inside he was bursting with joy, his baby brother on the right path of actually being somebody in life. He felt his eyes water, _I'm so freaking proud 'lil colt. _

Steve couldn't contain it so he joined Twobit with all the whoops. There was no doubt that the remaining member of the Grease gang were mighty happy for Ponyboy.

He looked up at the sky imagining his parents hugging him. It brought tears to his eyes. Then of Johnny and Dally. _I wish you were here...I miss you so much guys. I really do. _Johnny's words echoed in his mind, the one from his dream when he unconscious.

_"Remember what I said before I died?"_

_Pony nodded, "I do."_

_"Stay that way Pone."_

He smiled, "Always kept that promise since you died Johnny...Always will..."

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><p><strong><em>(Sorry for any grammar mistakes)<br>_**

**_So this is it, fin. The end. Thank you again for keeping up & also for the wonderful reviews! _**


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